Gastgebruiker
4 december 2023
WARNING- I’m going to get deep and personal. Introspective reflection from Hedo Trip 11/24-12/2 When discussing the Hedo experience with other guests, many refer to it as Disney Land for adults. I then suggest, that is it more like Summer Camp, an experience where there is fun, learning, growing, anxiety at times, exploration, levity, joy, heart ache at times, and the development of friendships that sometimes last for the trip, and others that last a lifetime. This was trip 11 for my husband and myself. We started coming in 2018 after some failed attempts to have a child together. I first heard about Hedo in my teens and knew that I wanted to go someday. I had longed my whole life for a place where I was free to express my sexuality without judgement. Hedo did not disappoint on that, but it turned out to be just the beginning of what I have gained there. Our early trips were more of a thrill ride. We partook in the offerings of the beach pharmacists and had crazy fun highs, followed by crushing lows. I only took up drinking in 2015, having been sober since my early 20’s, and my growing relationship with alcohol accelerated on our trips. Even after we stopped using ***** at Hedo, I evolved into drinking from eyes open until eyes closed when on property. Amazingly Hedo still provided growth experiences. I lived my whole life up until going to Hedo very self-conscious. I was always concerned about what others thought of me to the point that I couldn’t let go and enjoy life. During these years that care disappeared. On our summer 2020 trip, the EC’s made me get on stage, made me dance, and participate in all of their activities. They broke the seal for me, and now I run to the chance. The confidence I gained at Hedo came home with me. Between Hedo and therapy (lol), even as alcohol was taking over, I became free from a lifetime of weight of living concerned about what people think. One morning a few trips ago, I was doing my morning meditation on the beach, sitting up, legs crossed, soaking in the delicious sea air, when Shell Boy walked by. Instead of making an offer, he simply said, “Confidence is Happiness,” and kept walking. It was the perfect summation of what I was experiencing, even as the storm of alcoholism was brewing inside of me. I was still very much in the duality of Hedo. By this I mean Hedo has 2 sides, one is an escape, the other is a venture inward. The escape is temporary and often comes with a price, the inward journey provides a deep connection with self, others, and the universe and lasts as long as I surrender to it. One of my excuses to not quit drinking was this fear that I would have to remove Hedo from our life. It was the only place my husband, Nick, would fully let go and have fun, and generally our relationship was strengthened each trip. So not being able to go had consequences for myself, Nick, and us. In the end, I arrived at a place where I was going to get sober or die drunk, losing everything that mattered,
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